Posts Tagged "love"
The Proposal
Since Day 1, Clayton and I have communicated through letters. It started with email senior year of high school; I had debate class first period and he had it second period. I had a habit of leaving myself logged into my email on the class computer, and Clayton would send me emails from my own account. Then, emailing never stopped.
We emailed each other my entire freshman year at Baylor.
The day after I said “Sure, I guess” to being his girlfriend (the best decision with the worst delivery), 18-year-old Clayton creatively brought me something to depict each of my facebook interests– pink starbursts, sonic, a Mario Kart magazine (!), the last page of a book… and US Mail. Stamp and all. He got my address wrong, but I treasure the letter.
In college Clayton spent a summer as a counselor at Kanakuk. I sent him a letter every day. I wrote letters from the beach, from the library while babysitting, in coffee shops, and regardless of how I planned it, I found myself rushing to the mailbox to meet the 3 p.m. pickup time. Clayton says he reread all of the letters every day while at camp.
The letters sit in his bedside table, and he still pulls them out.
We haven’t stopped emailing, writing, journaling. With the risk of being more sappy than is blog-appropriate, my heart still leaps when I see his name pop up in my inbox.
Writing capture memories, makes love tangible. Our letters are like a time capsule of our relationship.
When we’re discouraged we read our emails and letters and end up feeling closer together. When we’re giddy and excited, we pull out the letters and relive our relationship unfolding. It’s an Ebenezer– a monument– to remember God’s faithfulness to each of us & to us together.
Thus, the proposal: letters.
Clayton read me a series of letters that he had written to his future wife. He wrote about ways he was preparing to be a good husband, how he wanted to lead and love and protect. He wrote about how he wanted to see his future wife thrive, know she is loved, and know true commitment.
The next letter was addressed:
Dear Caroline.
He wrote this letter the night he realized for the first he wanted to marry me (2 years ago). He had left my house that night and journaled
“it hit me. I want to marry you… tonight something came over me and I had a clearness and assurance I’ve never had.
I want to spend my life with you.”
The final letter was written earlier during that Saturday. At the end, Clayton wrote,
“Caroline, tonight I am going to ask if you will marry me… it’s with complete assurance that what I’m doing is right for both us, tied with a giddiness and anxiousness to see what exactly our life will look like…” Love, Your Fiancée Clayton.
Clayton got down on his knee, and I said YES. Not “sure,” but YES. of course. Yes with complete assurance. Yes to marrying my best friend. Yes to a new stage in our time capsule. Yes to forever. Yes. Yes. Yes.
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CommentEngagement Story Pt. 1
I treasure the entirety of Saturday. I’ll start from the beginning, since the entire day has C&C written all over it.
We were meeting for lunch Saturday, but since my lunch is technically Clayton’s breakfast (late sleeper…) we had to get him McDonald’s coffee on the way there. Clayton ran in but was caught by a homeless man. They talked, and then Clayton took him inside, got his story, and bought him lunch. I sat in the car but loved waiting, because Clayton’s care for people makes me so proud of him. He does what I’m sometimes scared to do.
At lunch, Clayton was so giddy that I kept having to bury my head in embarrassment (and I must confess, in flattered way too). We were next to a door, and whenever cold air would blow in Clayton would dart around the table to “get warm.” Over the years, Clayton’s random outbreaks into song and dance in Walmart and in restaurants have slowly been training me in the essential art of ignoring people, but I haven’t mastered the art yet. His giddiness at lunch had my face quite red to say the least. It all makes sense now.
Then, afterward we aimlessly wandered around Sam’s. We sat in the furniture section as if it were a coffee shop; a customer even offered to bring us a drink. We people watched, Clayton ate a second lunch of Sam’s pizza, and somehow we lost an hour and a half there without realizing it—we’re always a sucker for the Christmas section.
Then we were headed to the Fall Festival at La Vega Community Church. Here’s a picture right before we left and Clayton proposed. Notice I’m wearing a fancy, white t-shirt. Little did I know I was complicating Clayton’s plans throughout the night. When we left, Clayton invited me to dinner and was asked, “don’t you want to change?” Usually I’m the overdressed one, and he’s in the tshirt, so I jokingly responded, “are you embarrassed of my oversized tshirt?” Thank thank goodness I had another shirt in my car and changed.
More… soon… when I don’t have papers due in 2 hours! When Clayton first asked me to date him, I responded, “Sure, I guess.” I’ve apologized repeatedly for my response—my 19 year old self had no idea what I was doing. Thankful I said “Sure, I guess” over 3 years ago, but just so you know the end, this time I was little more sure and said YES.
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Aunt Jane
One of my anthems of the past few years has been for honesty and transparency—for us as Christians to have the strength and confidence to confess we are out of strength and confidence. It’s in these places of humility that we find community and that we allow our God to meet our needs.
Thus, in the most practical exercise of my anthem, I confess my family is grieving. For those who do not know, my aunt Jane passed away unexpectedly in her sleep last Saturday morning. We all celebrate that she is in heaven—in our heads—but everyone’s heart still aches with loss. We know that God has purpose, but our love feels beyond reason.
The service elevated Jane and made every single person in the room want to give more selflessly of themselves just as Jane did. It elevated Christ, just as Jane did. Everything was perfect, but the familial bond still holds so tightly.
After we all placed the roses, it only seemed right to sing “Blessed Be the Tie” as a family. The song seemed to well up inside us. We always sing this song before dinner at Grandmother and Granddaddy’s. The cousins use to snicker and try to catch who didn’t know the words, but Grandmother would always sing it so proudly. I know she must look around her table and see the legacy of children that she raised—all holding hands… together. This past week when we sang “Blessed Be the Tie” no one was snickering or even thinking about themselves. I know we were all only thinking about how much we loved Jane—part of our family—and how much we treasured each other. Had we never been knit so closely together to begin with, breaking the circle—even momentarily on this earth—wouldn’t be nearly as painful. “Blessed Be the Tie” took on a whole new meaning, a new depth, and I know the family tie was tied one knot stronger.
Blessed Be the Tie that binds our hearts in Christian love.
My pretty mama and twin sister Jane.
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CommentChristmas Break means…
Nicknames
Pranks and Cherokee Middle School memories
Naps
Secret wishes that little ones would stay little forever and more naps
Coats, this thing called winter that Texas doesn’t understand, and space heaters
among countless other blessings
including an empty yellow backpack that is unaware that school is around the corner. Oh the peace of mind that comes from celebrating Our Peace on earth.
Tis the Season.
Why I Love Christmas:http://www.carolinegear.com/blog/2009/12/26/twas-the-nights/
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CommentStand in a Circle
Looking over my past few posts, I realized that each had to do with my family. At first I was bummed– so much for diversity and interesting content (I mean, can family really compete with the yellow backpack?)
When everyone links arms, you don’t end up with a line; you end up in a circle with everyone looking right back into the eyes everyone else. I think that’s where my family is and probably why my posts (as does my time) follow the same mentality.
My precious grandmother has been in the hospital for several weeks. We’re praying like crazy, determined to beat the unexplainable blood disease, and in the process, our circle is being knit a bit tighter.
Seeing my family tag-team and rally around my grandmother, taking turns having “sleep-overs” and story time, makes me know that I am loved. I am so blessed to be part of such a team.
That is family. That is love.
What greater thing is there for human souls than to feel that they are joined for life – to be with each other in silent unspeakable memories. ~George Eliot
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CommentHey There
In a matter of days I'm going to marry my college sweetheart Clayton. I'll be the resident chaplain at a girls dormitory this year... which will add a few quirks to our first year of marriage. I've been adopted into Texas culture and I keep Sonic in business. I blog about faith and the struggles with faith. My first name is Jane; I'm Caroline.
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To my single friends, I just posted a cute picture of Clayton and I on Facebook. 10 minutes later we were sitting in my driveway talking about how his stress was overwhelming me and how he was stressed because I was overwhelmed. Dumb. […]
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