Posts made in February, 2012
Pouring Out, Recognizing Differences, & Mending Fences
{Marriage 101 Guest Post by Rachel B.}
Hello there! I am Rachel B. & I’ve been married to my sweet hubs {Jesse} for a little over a year now. We are currently shacked up on our little farm in Northeast Ohio. We have two horses, two dogs, and a lot of goofiness roaming around our place {mostly due to hubs…he keeps me from taking life too seriously. Thank you hubs!}. We love Jesus, worshiping Him through song & study, jammin’ to folk rock music & shootin’ guns {yes, I just said that}. I am always up for a good deal, thrift shopping, and all things vintage. Hubs is always up for working in the barn, playing with the dogs, or taking a nap in the grass. That is us in a very small nutshell. That will have to do for now though because we must move on to the deep stuff…
My greatest piece of encouragement for marriage comes from Ephesians 4 (msg) –
Pour yourselves out for one another in acts of love. Alert at noticing differences and quick at mending fences.
To me this verse has been a great statement of how I can honor my spouse. Daily I strive to seek ways to pour myself out to Jesse. Pouring out love can be respecting him in his dreams & his work, celebrating our relationship with love letters & high fives, or holding my tongue in situations when I feel I’ve been offended. Acts of love range from small to large.
The key to being successful in the large acts of love is to be “…alert at noticing differences…” Lately I have been training myself to seek out how Jesse & I are different. Because, let me tell ya:
MEN & WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT.
However, neither one is better than the other— just different from each other. This means that often I hear and see the very same situation differently than Jesse see and hears it. I may think he is wrong or offensive in his opinion, but really he is just thinking differently than I am. Recognizing the differences between us makes coming to an agreement or a solution much easier and a lot less stressful.
The second part of the passage— the part I struggle with the most— is being “quick at mending fences.” I can be as stubborn as a mule sometimes— especially when I believe I have been hurt. I tend to distance myself from Jesse and let anger fester in my heart. This technique is not a good one to perfect; it’s something I have become all too good at, and by far the least proud of. Shutting out your spouse only creates more anger & bitterness. You are building a wall— brick by brick— between you and your other half. Try your hardest {this will be a challenge & a daily effort} to forgive and say your own apologies.
My prayer for you…
is that you will pour yourself out in love to your spouse selflessly, be aware of your differences, use this awareness to strengthen your relationship, and that you will be rapid in apologizing and forgiving.
As my pastor says “Walk with the King & Be a Blessing.”
With love,
Rachel B.
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{1000 Gifts} Sweet, Tiny Escape
{Blessing #8}
I want to remember the peace I found curled up in my hammock on this surprise spring day. Peering up into this tree all I could think about is how downright tiny I am.
When I was little I would obsess on this topic. I would try to picture the earth as a piece of sand in God’s hand. In my mind I would zoom in to that piece of sand starting with North America, then the US, Missouri, and then into Springfield and inevitably my head would hurt so badly I would have to give up. I would then zoom out again and try to picture how big God was. I could never really picture God like I tried, but each time I realized he was bigger than I ever imagined.
Sometimes those moments when you realize that you’re not the center of the world and that being the center of your world isn’t all that great, are just what we need to place God back in the place of God within our hearts.
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CommentParticipating in the Great Metaphor
{Marriage 101 Guest Post by Meaghan}
God’s word tells us that marriage is a Big Deal. He uses the marriage metaphor over and over again to describe His own relationship with His Church.
In the Old Testament, God compares Israel to His bride. Sometimes she is beautiful and lovely, but often God pleads with adulterous Israel to return to Him.
In Jeremiah, God reminds His bride Israel of her first days:
I remember the devotion of your youth,
your love as a bride,
how you followed me in the wilderness…
Jeremiah 2:2
In Hosea (an entire book about God’s marriage metaphor), God tells Israel:
And it shall be, in that day,
That you will call Me ‘My Husband,’
… I will betroth you to Me forever;
Yes, I will betroth you to Me
In righteousness and justice,
In loving-kindness and mercy…’”
Hosea 2:16, 19-20
In the New Testament, things get even more beautiful. Check out Matthew 25, where Christ compares the Kingdom of Heaven to virgins waiting for the bridegroom (that’s Jesus!) to come for them, or Revelation 19:7-9, where we are invited to the Marriage Supper of the Lamb!
Now, miracle of miracles, when we enter into marriage, we participate in this great metaphor. For those who are called to it, earthly marriage provides us a way to better understand Christ’s relationship with the Church (for those called to singleness, God has other wonderful lessons in store!).
In my short six months of marriage to my husband Greg, I’ve started to see some of these 3 lessons.
1. Marriage lets me work on submission.
I thought I was doing pretty well with submission, and then I got married. To a boy. A fallible, human boy who asks me to do things like put the pot on the back burner (I promptly set it on the front burner) and pray out loud (but I pray in pictures!). We’re still working out what mutual submission looks like, but I know that submission to my husband is making me better able to submit to my Lord. Submitting to a physical person is good practice for submitting to an invisible God!
2. Marriage encourages me to sacrifice for another daily.
Whether it’s getting up early so my husband can make it to class, cheerfully putting down my blogging to help him work, or laying down my desire to be pouty to be forgiving and cheerful, marriage is daily sacrifice for someone else. In each little sacrifice, I conquer my will to do these things because I love Greg.
God’s sacrifice for His bride was ultimate – He gave His own life. These little sacrifices for my husband – and the big ones we know are to come – teach me in small measure about God’s sacrifice for us.
3. Marriage is covenantal love.
Oh, don’t get me started on how amazing and beautiful covenant is. (Focus, Meaghan, focus.) God’s love for His Church is a covenantal love upheld by God Himself, not us. It doesn’t matter how good or bad we’ve been; God loves us.
In our wedding, I promised to love Greg for the rest of our lives, no matter what. Working out this love day by day – seeing how Greg loves me when I am unlovable, and doing the same for him – is giving us the tiniest taste of the incredible love God has for us, His Church.
__
These ideas of comparing my marriage to Greg with this grand, cosmic marriage were, at first, quite overwhelming to me. How could I be stepping in to a role that echoes that of Christ’s Church? I am a fallible, sinful human being not capable of loving Greg properly.
The great, wonderful, amazing thing about being part of the Church is that God gives me mercy and grace to love that way. He gives Greg and me the ability to love one another. He forgives my wrongs and forms me into a person who can be His bride: pure and unblemished. Amen!
As a practical step towards ingesting these realities for yourself, take a trip over to BibleGateway.com. Do a word search for “bride,” “marriage,” “wife,” or “husband.” You’ll have to wade through “So-and-so married so-and-so,” but you’ll also get a great picture of God’s love for His people and a broader picture of marriage. Enjoy!
Meaghan and Greg have been married for a whole six months, and are currently tackling (punching, wrestling, and pleading with) grad school for PhDs in bioengineering and chemistry. Meaghan blogs about faith, graduate school, dance, and kitchen (mis)adventures at xorosxaris.wordpress.com.
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New Series: Marriage 101
I am THRILLED to announce that tomorrow launches a new blog series on marriage.
Marriage 101– insight from those who have walked (& stumbled) before us.
Amidst wedding planning, color-picking, flower-choosing, & invitation-designing, the most undeniably, important part of engagement is preparing for marriage. Colors will be forgotten, flowers will die (should I just use silk?), and invitations will be tossed.
my wedding is part of an evening.
my “I do” to Clayton is forever.
I’m learning all I can because I’m hyper-aware of my own short-comings, and I’m marrying my best friend in 3 months who is also well… human.
After asking everyone I could “what advice can you give me?” I realized the answers I was hearing were chalk full of insight and timeless wisdom– wisdom that must be captured for others to hear. Thus, the birth of this blog series.
Whether you’re single, engaged, just married, or you’ve been married so long you can’t remember not being married, these posts will encourage. I pray they will draw you to the heart of God, as each post in its own way continually reiterates how a good marriage is founded upon Christ who calls us to humbly love one another.
I’m stoked. I hope you are too. Let’s learn together.
[do you have wisdom to share from your journey? I'd love to help you share your story. email me at caroline.gear[at]gmail.com for details!]
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Why Valentine’s Day Can Suck
I will go on a “Valentine’s Day Date” with my favorite person in the world.
When it comes to sappy, I am the queen.
I love cheesy romantic gestures. I treasure the hours spent helping my brother make a Valentine’s Word Search for his first girlfriend. I loved secret admirers and quirky gift exchanges.
I love holidays, I love flowers just like every girl, and I love love.
But, the problem with Valentine’s Day is far too many people leave the day feeling unloved—both those in relationships and those who are single.
It’s not the day’s fault. We should celebrate the one we’re committing our lives to and going to spend forever with. We should set time aside for the warm, sentimental moments that make our heart race. We need to celebrate our partner because in the next week they are probably going to drive us up the wall, lead us to tears, or make us question our own sanity as we stomp out of the room.
But, we don’t dwell on the latter reality. It is the warm, sappy moments that we—especially young women—envision and crave. We picture candle lit dinners, petals on the floor, classical music mysteriously coming out of the walls [or, whatever other cliché picture comes to mind when you think of a romantic Valentine’s Day!].
The problem is these expectations are unattainable.
(unless you’re in a scripted Hollywood romantic comedy on the 20th take of the scene!).
I cried at every birthday party all through elementary school. My tears came with such clockwork that my mom applauded me the first year I didn’t cry. I would wait so long for my party and the anticipation would build for the best night of the year to celebrate ME. When it came and didn’t live up to the Mary-Kate and Ashley hype in my mind, I cried.
I think that’s a bit like Valentine’s Day. For some who are single, Valentine’s Day has evolved into a focus on what is missing for idealized, romantic moments. For those in relationships, the expectation for those same idealized, romantic moments remains unmet… because we don’t live in a movie.
These expectations don’t lead to love.
They inevitably lead to being let down.
Align your expectations with reality and save your heart. Valentine’s Day is an excuse to buy chocolate for yourself and friends. It’s a reminder to love and cherish those around you. And that’s all.
It is not a reminder you are single. It is not a reminder that your spouse isn’t romantic. It’s not a reminder you don’t have much money or that you have to work too much.
It’s a happy and simple thing. It’s merely a random Tuesday with chocolate. Let anything beyond surprise you—not be the expectation.
Share some love instead of calculating what’s coming your way. I guarantee that’s the purest form of love. Pure, selfless love.
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CommentHey There
In a matter of days I'm going to marry my college sweetheart Clayton. I'll be the resident chaplain at a girls dormitory this year... which will add a few quirks to our first year of marriage. I've been adopted into Texas culture and I keep Sonic in business. I blog about faith and the struggles with faith. My first name is Jane; I'm Caroline.
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To my single friends, I just posted a cute picture of Clayton and I on Facebook. 10 minutes later we were sitting in my driveway talking about how his stress was overwhelming me and how he was stressed because I was overwhelmed. Dumb. […]
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